Lost in the Darkness
by Cynthia08
Summary: It never really mattered to me what I was doing because I was lifeless and had no soul. He didn’t want to Damn my soul….ha if only he could see me now. I didn’t even feel like a human, let alone look like one rated T might turn into M later on in the stor
1. Chapter 1

**I just wanted to say that I do not own anything that has to do with Twilight. That honor is Stephenie Meyer's!! Even though I would love to own it!!**

Lost in the Darkness

It seemed like forever since the last time I saw his beautiful face, his perfect lips and his topaz eyes. He left me broken and beaten. I laid in bed curled in a fetal position grabbing my chest and trying to breathe. I never could get enough oxygen into my chest. _Why am I doing this to myself again? Why do I always have to think about HIM?_ It never really mattered to me what I was doing because I was lifeless and had no soul. He didn't want to Damn my soul….ha if only he could see me now. I didn't even feel like a human, let alone look like one. 

*Beep Beep Beep

I don't even remember falling asleep. Huh…must have exhausted myself again last night. I walked into the bathroom to take a long hot shower. Looking into the mirror I saw nothing but Skeleton. My face was sunken in and black bags stood out underneath my eyes. It almost looked like my eyes were turning black themselves. I still used my favorite Strawberry Shampoo. After all the muscles in my back were relaxed I got out of the shower and went into my room. Ah my room, it was a lot different now, everything in it was practically new. I had a new bed that had a canopy over the top and if I wanted to (which I did most nights and days) I could close curtains all the way around it. It was like my own personal heaven. No light could enter into my bed and it was as if I was the only person left on the planet. I also bought myself a keyboard. Not the same as a piano but I had to hear my sweet Lullaby. I couldn't get the notes quite right but I was determined to figure it out. I had also started writing music that was mine as well. I never knew that I could be good at something. Once I dried off I walked over to the closet and got my favorite outfit. It was still really early but I figured I was hiding in my room long enough. Charlie would be waiting on me downstairs, even though we don't really talk like we use too. Charlie never wanted to look at me anymore. Its like every time he did his eyes would grow dark with fury and hurt. I think he hated Edward(_wince_) as much as I did. But I didn't hate him, I loved him. That's what the problem was. 

"So kid you get any sleep last night?"

"A little."

"Are you doing anything after school today?"

"No."

"Bella, when are you going to hang out with some of your friends? I know they have been calling here like crazy. And you cant keep feeling sorry for yourself."

When he said those words I just walked away from him. How dare he say I was feeling sorry for myself. Its not like I wanted to feel this pain and anger. I wish it could go away. I wish something or someone could take it all away and never give it back. Its easier said then done. 

I grabbed my keys and got into my rusty old pick up truck. it's the same routine every day. School, work and then home. I wish I could just graduate so I could focus all my time at work. I worked at a local radio station helping the Djs pick out different songs each hour. Music became my soulless life. It was the one thing I could turn to when I had to let out my feelings. It didn't judge me or criticize me. It just let me be me. 

I pulled up to school and the parking lot was already full of cars. I saw Angela walking towards me…

"Hey Bells, how's it going?"

"Oh ya know Angela I'm perfect! Couldn't ask for a better life." she heard the sarcasm in my voice because she started to blush. 

"Well I just wanted to know if maybe this weekend you wanted to come with me and Ben to a movie or something. Just hang out like we use to."

"This weekend I have to work but maybe next week sometime." I hated blowing off Angela. If it wasn't for her then I probably wouldn't talk to anyone anymore. With that answer she smiled and walked away calling over her shoulder…."Next week it is then."

Time flew by fast like it always did and before I knew it I was sitting in Biology. No one was ever assigned to sit next to me. But the memories still haunted my head. He still haunted my head. My fingers rubbed on the heart that had EMC and IMS carved in the center. I couldn't take this not today. I ran out of class sobbing hard until I collapsed on the ground. 

APOV

"I'm just worried about her that's all."

"I told you Alice stop looking in to her future!"

"I'm not looking at anything Edward, its not my fault that I see her every time I close my eyes and have a vision. All I'm saying is she isn't doing good at all, and I thought you would want to know."

Edwards moods have really gotten to me lately. Ever since he left Bella in the woods crying for hours he hasn't been the same. Actually come to think of it, none of us have been the same. Its like when we left her everyone became distant from one another. Even Rosalie. And she never liked Bella. Jasper never wanted to be home because every time he was around any of us he felt the blackness take over our emotions. No one wanted to listen to me when I was telling them that Bella doesn't look so good. Leaving her didn't do anyone of us any bit of good. 

"Ow!"

"Alice what's wrong?" Carlisle asked

I was on the ground holding my head in my hand staring at nothing. She vanished from my mind. I started whispering now…

"I cant see her anymore."

"Cant see who Alice?"

"Bella, she's she's NOOOO!"

Sorry about the cliffhangers guys!!! I wanted you to come back for more!! Tell me what you think…or ask me any questions you want to know. I will update ASAP! I would love some reviews and feedback. Thanks so much. 


	2. Chapter 2

BPOV

When I looked up a comforting face was by my side. Jacob black.

"Bella hunny what's wrong with you? Are you hurt?

"No Jake I'm fine really, you don't need to worry about me."

"You don't look fine to me but hey what do I know?"

"No one really knows anything."

"Do you wanna ditch the rest of the school day and come hang out with me in La Push?"

"Why are you even at my school Jacob? You don't come here."

"Well Charlie called my dad and he is really worried about you so I came to spring you from school so you can get your mind off of things and then I saw you here on the ground and umm yeah that's why I'm here."

"Why do you care?" I was starting to get agitated again. I hated how people thought they knew what was going on with me and had no idea. You see one of Jacobs friends found me that day _he_ left. I was laying on the ground screaming his name. That's a memory I wish would drown out and disappear.

"Bella you and Charlie are like family. Of course I care. So get up and come with me."

I couldn't object. Being away from school would be great. I couldn't bare people staring at me anymore. We went straight over to Jacobs house and sat on the couch.

"What do you want to do Jake?"

"Umm how about we go out to the shop and I can teach you about cars?"

"Me and power tools? Yeah I don't see that happening. My luck I would probably cut off my arm."

"Its easier then it looks, and you could just watch if you wanted too. I mean you don't really have to do anything. I know it sounds boring but it will be fun."

"No it doesn't sound boring. Anything that can keep my mind off of things sounds great." I smiled saying this because his eyes lit up with excitement. It felt awkward to smile. I haven't felt my face in a long time. I wonder if he noticed how hard it was for me to be around people and try to act normal. Usually I try to avoid situations like this.

We went to his garage and I sat down in the car while Jacob started working underneath it. After awhile of small talk he took a break. He grabbed us two hot cokes and opened it for me.

"So do you want to do something else? I know this isn't fun at all and we could go do something a little more exciting."

"I'm having fun watching you work." I didn't have to lie because it was the honest truth.

"Uh huh sure you are. Do you want to go for a walk down the beach?"

"Okay whatever you want to do is fine with me."

"Well honestly I was hoping its something YOU wanted to do. This is suppose to be your day remember?"

"Then Yes I would love to go for a walk."

Everything felt at ease when I was with Jake. I didn't have to clutch my chest to keep my heart from splitting open. I could breathe normal. And I felt like I was becoming normal again. Maybe Jacob could be the key to all my problems. Just maybe he could be my sun.

He grabbed my hand and when he did this my first instinct was to pull away. I wasn't use to any contact like this from any other person.

"Oh I'm sorry Bells, I didn't mean anything by it, I was just leading the way and I didn't want you to trip and fall in the woods."

"Its s'okay, I just don't really like people touching me. Its no offence to you but I just cant deal with getting that close to anyone again."

We walked in Silence the rest of the way to the beach. Every once in awhile he would pick up a rock and throw it into the ocean. I could see the curiosity in his eyes every time he looked at me. He wanted to know what happened in the woods. He wanted to know why I'm so breakable and he wanted to know what he did to me.

"Something on your mind Jake?"

"Yeah I was just thinking about a few things."

"And what might that be?"

He just smiled and found the nearest tree log and sat down. He looked at me again and patted the tree for me to come sit down by him.

"I want to know what happened to you. The last time I saw you, you were happy ya know? I mean you were with your friends and you were down at this beach and you looked like you were having fun. Then you got with that Cullen guy and after that it started going down hill."

"To be honest this is a subject I don't really like to talk about. I cant talk about it."

"You can trust me."

"I cant trust anyone." I found myself whispering now. Could I really tell him everything?

He took my face in his hands and looked me in the eyes.

"Yes you can."

"Wow your hands are really hot!"

"It's nothing, I'm always this hot."

"No one is ever that hot."

"Well this is about me remember? This is about you."

I couldn't resist Jacob for some reason. Every time I looked in his eyes I felt my heart rise from my chest. I could feel its beat. I could hear the rhythm. It had to be a sign. I sighed and looked at him.

"Its really a long story."

"We have all day and night."

And then I begin to tell him the story of why I am a lifeless foolish girl.

APOV

"She cant really be that stupid can she?" Rosalie said out loud.

"I'm not really sure anymore. I cant see when she does it. We have to go back and stop her from trying to kill herself."

"Alice we cant go back. We promised Edward we would not interfere with her life. I mean what if she doesn't know she is going to kill herself yet and the reason why she tries is because we come back into her life and leave her again. This cannot be the only way to stop her."

Rosalie was right but wrong at the same time. I'm not going to let my best friend do this to herself!

"I'm going back."

"I cant let you do that Alice."

"Try to stop me. She is like my sister and even though Edward doesn't want to be apart of her life I DO."

"Fine go. But I'm calling Edward and telling him."

"No you wont…I would have seen that."

I went and packed my things. I knew I had to hunt before I saw Bella again. She just didn't smell good to Edward. Her scent was one of a kind. She smelled great to all of us. But we had a lot of self control. Or so we thought…


End file.
